iCan't Be Normal
by FinaleUltimacian
Summary: Freddie discovers something about Sam. Seddie. Rated T for mild violence. R & R please


This is my first attempt at iCarly Fic, and I do in fact feel a bit skeezy writing this, as I am 24 years old. God I need a life.

"And we are clear." I lowered my camera and switched off the live feed on my laptop. "Good show guys."

"Thanks, so now what?" Carly plopped down in her bean bag chair. "Spencer is off doing whatever it is he does with Socko…. So we have the apartment to ourselves for the foreseeable future…."

"I know." Sam interrupted, walking towards me, smiling that EVIL smile of hers. This had me worried some. She walked past me to the minifridge that she had brought up after a particularly bad incident with an ice-cream-related iCarly skit. But of course, it had never been stocked with anything but ham after that. That girl loves her ham. "Your big idea is ham? Why am I not surprised?"

"Um, Freddie…. That's not ham…..SAM, how did you get that, and why is it in our fridge?"

Sam walked back past me, slamming a bottle of what appeared to be a beer…

(**Why is it that every time someone on this show is drinking something, it looks like alcohol? Or am I trying too hard? I mean seriously, Gibby and the scotch, and every time Sam is on screen she is holding what looks like a beer.) **

…down on my A/V cart. It began overflowing over my laptop "Hey, watch the hardware. This stuff goes out, iCarly is finished." I picked up the beer and held it at arms length to keep it from getting anything else wet.

"That a threat, Fredork?" Sam spun around and jabbed me in the shoulder.

"No, it's a fact." I said matter-of-factly. It took the same amount of time for me to realize how cliché that sounded, that it took for Sam to cock her fist back and punch me in chest. Hard. I lost my balance.

"Sam, that was….. That was just…. What the chizz, woman?" Carly jumped up and tackled Sam, sending them both sprawling, landing atop my already injured form.

"You made me spill my beer!" Sam grabbed Cary's wrist and flipped her so that Sam was now on top of both of us. She pulled her fist back again, preparing a heavy blow. In the years that we have known each other, this particular situation has ended badly EVERY time. Since Sam would never actually hit Carly, and I was closer this time than I think I have ever been when I wasn't the actual target of Sam's wrath, I figured she would go for me anyway. She seemed to have the same idea, because she shifted her weight to one leg, and let go of Carly's arm, rolling her off of me. But not before Carly's leg flailed into a VERY sensitive area of any normal 17-year-old boy. I moaned in pain as Sam moved forward so that she was straddling my chest.

"Ooh, that was unexpected. Bonus!" Sam smiled again, that same evil smile. She downed the remnants of her beer then set the bottle down, almost lovingly, next to my head, picked up my bottle from where it landed when I fell, and drank it down.

"Sam, get off." I said sternly. "I mean it. THAT is a threat."

"Oh, Freddie, Freddie, Freddie. That was a mistake." She said, slapping me lightly on one cheek, then harder on the other, then even harder where she hit me the first time, when she went to do it a fourth time, I took advantage of her focus and position to lean my head forward and bite her right hand as it passed over my face. She yelped, and tried to tug her hand out of my teeth. "Get OFF, Fredork!!"

In my new found position of power, I wiggled my arm out from under Sam's legs and grabbed her left wrist, while shifting my weight to throw the skinny blonde off. We rolled across the floor into the beanbags.

"Okay, we are almost adults here. This is getting out of hand. If you guys don't stop right now, I'm going to get the hose." Carly stood up and stomped through the studio door.

I started to say something to stop her from leaving "Carly, we are on the 8th floor…." The rest of my statement was lost as Sam used her newly freed hand to punch me as hard as she could in the mouth. Even in her position wedged into the beanbags, she hit me had enough to split my lip. I tasted the blood before I saw a small droplet fall and land on Sam's cheek. The sight of my blood on her pale skin, and the years of torment crashed in on me, filling me with cold anger. I let go of her arm, and moved back so we could stand. She touched her finger to the drop of blood on her cheek and then licked her finger. She laughed. _She laughed!?! _

"Give up, Freddie? Wuss. Can't stand the sight of a little…." She never got to finish her sentence as my hand connected with her jaw as I backhanded her, throwing her back and onto the beanbags. She looked up at me, a strange mix of anger and some other very odd emotions flashing through her eyes. Well, odd for her anyway. She looked almost happy. I advanced, not sure if I should help her up or run for my life. I decided to take my chances, and offered my hand. She took my hand and began standing, but then shifted her weight back and pulled me down on top of her. She threw her other arm around my neck, crushing her lips awkwardly into mine. I tried to pull back, but she wrapped her arms tighter around me. "Sam…. Sam, get off… I can't breathe…" I sputtered between kisses. She finally let up.

"Um…. You tell anyone about this and you are dead." Sam said, trying

to return to her normal self, but the venom wasn't there. I moved to sit next to her on one of the other bean bags. "WHAT the chizz was that?" I asked.

"Well, you are the first person EVER to actually fight back.' It was hot. Didn't know you had it in you Fredweird."

"You are quite possibly the weirdest person I have ever met, and just so you know that was a one time thing. That is not who I am." I sputtered; trying to regain my composure after my best frenemy used my name and Hot in the same sentence.

"Oh, I know. You did what you had to do. Finally."

"exac…. Wait, WHAT? You wanted me to hit you? That's… ech, just….. Ech."

"You said it yourself. I'm weird. There is something wrong with me."

"There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all." She got a far off look in her eyes like she was replaying some long lost memory in her head. Then she bolted up and ran to my laptop.

"Hey, we were having a moment here. You can't start messing with my stuff just cuz I let my guard down." I stood up as Sam backed away from my laptop and walked towards me. The speakers we had set up for iCarly began playing a song that sounded only vaguely familiar to me. "What?"

"Care to dance, dork?"

"This is the song that was playing at Groovy Smoothie the night of the Girls Choice dance… isn't it?"

"Good ear, Fredward. So how about it?" I took the hand she offered to me, pulling her closer. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I moved my arms to her lower back. She started to say something, even as she nuzzled closer against my chest.

"Freddie, can I tell you something? And you have to promise not to tell Carly."

"As long as you don't try to beat me up when you accidentally tell Carly after a dentist appointment."

"Deal. I think I might love you."

I pulled away, and held her at arms length. "Do WHAT?"

"I mean… I have no idea what love is. You've seen my home life. The only example I have is Spencer and Carly, and that's just family style. But the way you make me feel, it's all I can do to keep from killing you."

"Puckett… that's kinda twisted…" I sputtered.

"I know, right?"

"Can I tell you something? I think I might love you too."

I took her face in one hand and just looked into her eyes.

"Well….lean" She whispered. I recognized those words, and just like the first time, I leaned in, but this time it wasn't awkward or strange. It was perfect. And that is when the door came flying open and Carly and Spencer came dragging the fire hose from the hallway.

"Ready, Aim…..uh, hi guys…." The hose and Carly's jaw dropped simultaneously. Spencer came running in "I heard a crash, everyone oka…. Okay. Hi guys….." Spencer picked up the hose where Carly had dropped it. "Stop doing that…." He covered his eyes and stumbled back through the door.

**So there's that...... I may go back and fix.... well, everything. i wasn't real happy with the way it came together. Had a lot of stuff in my head and needed to get it out. so let me know what you think, people. **


End file.
